A feeling I have known for a long time

Some of my earliest memories of happiness are connected with drawing and with being in nature.

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As a child, I could spend hours drawing in my room, or disappear into the forest, the fields or the beach, completely absorbed in what was around me. I loved the feeling of being fully in my senses - curious, free and open to whatever I might discover.

Sometimes the beach held something slightly different. There was a sense of longing there, but also a deep satisfaction in simply being present.

 

I don't long for childhood itself. What I recognise now is that I was experiencing something that I still seek today: moments of freedom, curiosity, connection and complete presence.

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I find that same feeling through art.

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The feeling that becomes a painting

Nature doesn't necessarily give me an image I want to reproduce. It gives me a feeling.

It might be the sensation of being beside the sea, the movement of water, a particular quality of light, or simply the feeling of being immersed in the natural world.

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Sometimes the same thing happens when I stand in front of a painting that moves me.

I feel it physically - a warmth and excitement in my stomach, a sense of being stirred by something I can't quite explain. And often that feeling creates an urge to make something myself.

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This is one of the reasons I am drawn to abstraction.

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Abstract painting gives me freedom. I don't have to copy what I see. I can follow my curiosity, make a mark, see what happens and respond to it. I can move in whichever direction feels interesting.

There is something childlike about that process - not childish, but open, playful and unafraid of discovery.

 

Colour, texture and connection

Colour is often what catches my attention first. It can make me happy, calm me, or bring back a feeling or memory.

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Texture draws me in in a different way. I love the physicality of it - the marks, layers and surfaces that invite you to look closely. There is something deeply satisfying about a painting that feels almost touchable.

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I am interested in the balance between intuition and technique. I want to remain open and playful, while also learning what makes a painting work - how colour, composition, texture and mark can come together to create something that feels alive.

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And I am endlessly fascinated by other artists.

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When I look at great art, I sometimes have a feeling that the artist has touched something almost magical. I think about the artists who came before me - the ideas they explored, the emotions they expressed and the worlds they created through paint.

Painting gives me a sense of connection across time. I am part of a long human tradition of making something from our experience of being alive.

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Leaving something behind

If I imagine stepping into the future and looking back at my life and having painted hundreds of paintings, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction. Not simply because I would have become better at painting, although that matters to me. I would have learned, grown and explored something that feels deeply important to who I am.

I would have left something of myself in the world.

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Perhaps the paintings would be living in other people's homes, becoming part of their lives in ways I could never know. Perhaps they would bring light, curiosity, comfort or simply a moment of pleasure.

That thought means a great deal to me.

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For me, painting is ultimately about connection.

Connection with nature.
Connection with creativity.
Connection with other artists, across generations.
Connection with other people.
And connection with myself.

It is a way of paying attention.

A way of exploring.

A way of making something from what I experience.

And perhaps, most simply, a way of feeling that I am fully here.